Defying Gravity
by thisismymuse
Summary: She's broken their relationship for good so Rachel decides she needs a change but will it be too late for Finn when he's finally ready to forgive?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Ok this is my first fanfic here - like everyone else I'm going to be suffering until we get through the xmas break and get Glee back. This will be a multi-chapter story and I'll try and post regularly.**

**I don't own Glee but just borrowing the characters!**

**Chapter 1 - **

The day had started as any other of the past two weeks – her alarm sounding at the regulation 6am shaking her from a dreamless sleep only to be reminded seconds later of the terrible mess she'd made of her life. Finn's photo still sat proudly on her nightstand, and out of habit was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes of a morning. This was then followed by the familiar prick of tears stinging her eyes and a painful ache in the chest. She'd forced herself out of bed and onto the elliptical, finding some comfort in the regular exercise regimen yet strangely no inspiration from the gold star with her name on it that swam before her. The fact that he had become more important than her dream of stardom was not lost on her and in that moment she hated him for it. She was Rachel Berry - destined for bigger things than Lima, Ohio, for bigger things than the high school quarterback who couldn't even understand half the things she said. As she tried to bolster herself with these thoughts, her conscience reminder her uncomfortably that it was exactly this attitude that driven her to break their relationship in the first place.

She took a shower, mentally trying to shake herself of the deep funk that had settled over her being. It was the first day of the two week Christmas break and a perfect time to take stock and rejuvenate. She was sick of self-pity, sick of wondering if Finn would ever talk to her again, would ever look at her without that frown of disappointment. And that was the most mortifying part, that her great lunking boyfriend, the boy with the sensitivity of a flea, sat in judgement over her. The boy who had broken up with her to 'find his inner rock-star', a thinly veiled excuse to take advantage of a _menage a trois_ with two of the most vacuous beings ever to walk the planet. He had dropped her for a girl who believed in santa and thought dolphins were gay sharks and for a girl who collected 'V-cards' for fun.

Why did she even care? She was better than that.

But she did care, so very, very badly. She cared because he'd called her out. He'd known she was better than that, that's why he'd loved her, because she was different from all the others, only to find she wasn't. She'd lowered herself to the same petty games that all the other high school teenagers played.

She knew he had a right to be disappointed, she was disappointed in herself; it was the fact that it was the only expression she saw on his face nowadays. Gone were the looks of love, of pride, of desire; all replaced by a steady frown and averted eyes. Somehow she knew he still loved her, that he always would; there was always that half conflicted look on his face whenever she'd thrown pleading eyes his way, and yet she couldn't seem to get past his disapproval. It had been two weeks, two torturous and lonely weeks and he still couldn't even bring himself to speak to her. Every call and text went unanswered, every attempt at conversation met with stony silence. He'd even flinched when she'd touched him, drawing back as if he'd been burned before turning away and practically running up the hallway. She knew he needed time and maybe the break was a perfect opportunity for both of them to put things in perspective.

With that thought she made a resolution not to lie around wallowing in self pity – she was Rachel Barbra Berry after all and she would use the holiday time productively to work on some new arrangements and exercise her vocal weaknesses. Maybe as a symbol of her renewed sense of self she should explore a new musical genre – soul perhaps or even the blues, _no – too depressing_ she thought to herself. Mercedes wasn't the only one who could belt out a soul tune she told herself, and besides there was enough angst wallowing in her own breast that needed exorcising to certainly get a handle on the style.

No sooner had she flipped on her ipod to start her vocal warm-ups though, than the tears started again. Every song, every damn note, reminded her acutely of what she'd lost, what she'd thrown away through her own selfish stupidity. Finn, Glee and the respect of the few friends she'd finally managed to form a relationship with at McKinley had been tossed aside the moment she'd taken Puck's arm in the hallway three weeks before. Even Kurt had tweeted his disapproval of her behaviour – just when she thought they'd formed some sort of friendship. It was hopeless, something needed to change and for once she wasn't sure she could do it on her own.

Rachel's hand shook as she dialled the numbers - twice she got to the last digit and hung up, tears threatening to overtake her again. Why was this so hard?

'I am a strong assertive woman' she reminded herself for the 50th time that day 'I will go after what I want with singular pupose' she mentally added for good measure, straightening a little as she tossed her head back.

She hated that Finn had made her doubt herself, made her question herself and everything she did. Ever since they'd broken up two weeks before she'd been second guessing her decisions and she hated it. She was used to just leaping in and damning the consequences and what anyone thought of her – why couldn't she get back to just doing that? It's not like being herself was going to scare him off and lose her friends – he was already gone and her so called 'friends' along with him.

Taking a deep breath she picked up the receiver. The third time she dialled she made it all the way.

"Hello," answered a melodic voice.

"H-Hi..." she stammered, her nervousness rushing back causing her throat to constrict. Out of nowhere she felt the tears prick her eyes, her ability to speak leaving her completely.

"Rachel?" queried the surprised voice on the other end, "is that you? what's the matter honey?"

"I don't know," she managed to get out, "I just feel like I really need a mom right now." Rachel finished, sobbing down the phone before handing it to her dad who just happened to be walking past. He took it in surprise his eyes following her as she disappeared up the hallway towards her room.

Hirum took the phone automatically, placing it against his ear. "Shelby?..."


	2. Chapter 2  Taking Chances

**A/N - thanks for all the comments - I'll try at least once a week. The first few chapters don't feature our leading man but he will be making an appearance soon so please be patient. **

**Chapter 2 – Taking Chances**

When a soft knock came at Rachel's door a half hour later, her tears had finally subsided enough that she could get out 'Come in' without hiccupping. Her Dad walked in tentatively, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm sorry Daddy.." she whispered.

"It's OK honey," he soothed rubbing his hand gently up and down her back as she laid her head on his shoulder. "whenever you're ready, pack some things and I'll drop you over to Shelby's house. She said you can stay for a few days if you like."

"Really?" she piped up wiping the tears from her puffed cheeks. It was the first glimpse of happiness he'd seen from her in weeks. That boy of hers had really broken his little girl's heart and if sending her to Shelby would help her get over it then he certainly wasn't going to stand in her way.

"You know I love you daddy," she sniffed at him apologetically, "but I'm just at a crossroads in my professional and personal life and..."

"I know, I know," he answered smiling. "Don't worry about hurting our feelings, honey. Sometimes you just need a change of scene to shake you out of your funk."

Halfway to Carmel though Rachel had the biggest case of cold feet she'd ever experienced in her life. What on earth had made her think this was a good idea? I mean this was the mother who'd rejected her because they had no history only to adopt two virtual stranger's baby only a few months later. What did she really know about this woman? If she wanted motherly sympathy and advice she'd probably made the stupidest decision of her life. A shared gene pool did not make a relationship, nor did it qualify anyone to be a good parent.

"I can't do this Daddy," she said suddenly. "Shelby already has a daughter – a broken hearted teenager is the last thing she needs. She as much as told me there wasn't any point in us having a relationship since I'm already grown up..."

"Take a chance sweetheart," her Dad interrupted softly, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "If it doesn't work out you can just come home again."

She nodded her head slowly, her eyes fixed on her nervously fidgeting hands before turning those sad brown orbs to meet his own. She had such an expressive face with every emotion weighing her down clearly expressed in the uncertain look in her eyes. He'd never realised how fragile his daughter could be – and he'd kick that Finn Hudson's butt clear through to Michigan if he ever saw him again.

"You're right daddy," she said bolstering herself up with a more confident smile appearing on her face, "Celine Dion wrote the perfect song for this very occasion."

Hirum knew that determined expression so well – if anyone could make this work then it would be Rachel. He smiled to himself at the familiar tune floating through the car stereo speakers, as his daughter opened herself up to the music.

_But what do you say to taking chances,  
What do you say to jumping off the edge?  
Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,  
What do you say,  
What do you say?_

I just want to start again,  
And maybe you could show me how to try,  
And maybe you could take me in,  
Somewhere underneath your skin?

* * *

When they arrived at Shelby's apartment, all of Rachel's doubts and fears were quieted. Shelby said nothing as she took in the sad expression on her natural daughter's face, merely opened her arms in a safe and welcoming embrace. Rachel needed no other encouragement, falling straight into the arms she'd always dreamed would one day be there to comfort her, her tears starting all over again with a force that surprised them both. Hirum merely shrugged his shoulders at Shelby as if to say, 'what do I know about dealing with the emotional crisis of a 16 year old teenage girl'.

Half an hour later when her tears had subsided somewhat Rachel hugged her father goodbye with a series of small hiccups. Shelby saw him out and then returned a few moments later seating herself on the sofa next to Rachel.

"I'm sorry," she said through the semi-dried tears. "I'm normally much more composed than this."

"I know you are honey," Shelby smiled at her. "That boy really broke your heart didn't he?"

"Yes he did," she sniffed tipping her head back in a vain attempt to keep the tears from falling again. "And I don't know why, Finn is a complete Neanderthal sometimes. I mean Jesse was way more sophisticated and much more my type. I wasn't even half this upset when he egged me in the middle of the McKinley school carpark."

Shelby smiled at the annoyed tone in her daughter's voice. She reminded her so much of herself at that age, maybe they had more in common than she thought?

"How about I make us a nice pot of chamomile tea," she said gently, "and we can settle in and you can tell me the whole story. Beth's just gone down for a nap so we have a good few hours."

Rachel nodded, following Shelby's directions to the bathroom so she could wash her face and attempt to compose herself. She groaned at the familiar sight of puffy eyes that looked back at her. This was ridiculous, it had been two weeks. Taking a deep breath she made a firm resolution – she would not shed another tear over Finn Hudson. Now was the time for taking chances, for jumping off the edge.


	3. Chapter 3  On My Own

**A/N – Sorry this is a little slow coming up but it took me a while to write and it got so long I ended up splitting it into two chapters. I have the next two chapters finished which I'll post in the next few days. Thanks for reading and for the comments **

**And no I don't own any of these characters – just borrowing someone else's toys!**

**Chapter 3 – On My own**

It was almost midnight when Rachel got to bed, tired but content for the first time in weeks. It felt good to talk it out, to spill the whole long story from beginning to end, and strangely enough the process of doing so had given a different perspective on how wrong things really were. They had talked, cried, laughed (especially when Rachel related her interpretation of the hello assignment after the first breakup), ate, sang Beth to sleep and then talked some more. Although they barely knew each other, Rachel had no qualms unloading the whole sad story and Shelby had been everything she could wish for – patient and understanding, even when it came to confessing her own less than stellar behaviour. She hadn't judged, she understood the hurt feelings, the resentment and the insecurities that had driven her to take Puck's arm that day. Best of all she assured her that this was all a part of growing up, of learning about love, about learning about relationships and of learning about herself. That sometimes, the hard times made the good times all the sweeter. Rachel had almost shed a tear again at that point.

"The way things are with Finn," she had sighed dramatically, "I seriously doubt that there will be any more good times, not with him anyway."

"You know what honey?" Shelby had soothed. "You sound like you both need some time to understand your feelings and what's driven you to make these decisions. You're both rushing in and re-acting to situations you haven't given yourselves an opportunity to understand. Love is a difficult thing to deal with, it can take hold of you so strongly that you forget to look at things objectively and work out what it is that _you_ really want from it. You're both so young with your whole lives ahead of you. If Finn loves you, and he sounds like he really does, then he's not going anywhere – sometimes all we need is a little distance to get perspective again. Give him time to process his feelings and come to terms with it. You can't force forgiveness, he needs to be at peace with himself and that has to be in his own time. And you need to come to terms with his behaviour as well. Try and understand it and forgive and then let it go. You're trying to hold onto this relationship so tightly no-one's getting any space."

Rachel had nodded, biting her lip. She had been going all 'fatal attraction' trying to win him back and the result was just pushing him further away. Now, after trawling through their entire history she wasn't even sure she wanted him back. She loved him, there was no denying that, but right now they weren't working together. Talking about their relationship had raised some issues she hadn't ever acknowledged before and made her realise that Finn wasn't the perfect boyfriend she'd always imagined him to be. She knew she wasn't the perfect girlfriend either but at least she was never afraid to stand up and fight for what was right and what she believed in, to fight for their relationship. Just once she'd like Finn to stand up and fight for her.

It was then that she realised she needed a different approach. As she prepared herself for bed that night she made a conscious decision to take time, for both of them. Flipping open her cell phone she checked her messages one last time before turning if off and packing it away in her bag. A complete change of scene was what she needed, away from everything she knew and loved. It was time to rejuvenate and start afresh and maybe, just maybe, she could heal her heart by focusing on another relationship.

* * *

At 6am the next morning Rachel was completely disoriented. Instead of waking to the sound of an electronic beep and the familiar sight of Finn's photo (which she wasn't completely unhappy about), she awoke to the sound of a tuneless song and a tiny face watching her through the slats of a cot, half chewing on a small fist.

For once Rachel didn't leap out of bed, no elliptical workout machine looming beside her reminding her of the constant work required to be the star she always dreamed of, nor was there any commitments pressing on her – no dance lessons, voice sessions, no school. And no boyfriend to fill up the empty hours on a cold, snowy winter morning.

Instead she lay there and hummed in tune with the small gurgles and noises that emerged from the cot on the opposite side of the room, sometimes harmonising, sometimes clapping her hands gently when Beth worked herself into a rhythm while gnawing on her fist. There was something familiar and comforting about the little face that stared back at her with the occasional smile. Her eyes and complexion were definitely Puck's (lucky for Beth!) and the soft, downy haze of blond hair could only have come from her mother. When Beth sat up and started reaching through the slats Rachel climbed out of bed and awkwardly picked the little girl up, trying to emulate the hold Shelby had used with her, then brought her back to lie down next to her on her own narrow mattress. That was how Shelby found them an hour later, singing and clapping, blowing raspberries and giggling at each other.

Rachel knew nothing about small children, had never really thought about them except in a vague life plan kind of way where she envisaged herself, Finn and a few talented offspring living in a 5th avenue apartment with a row of Tony Awards lining the mantelpiece. Her dads didn't have any family they kept in contact with so she had no nephews or nieces, so the idea of having a baby around was a whole new concept. There was something kind of nice about suddenly having a sister (this was a stretch she knew, but her family was obscure enough that she felt the right to claim the adopted child of her biological mother as a sibling). And she couldn't help feeling that Beth would be good for her – I mean her dad's had always teased her about how the attention of being an only child was great preparation for the diva she would one day become, but it was a joke that was uncomfortably painful at the moment. Being a diva had cost her everything – her boyfriend, the few friends she had and the respect of her teachers. She had tearfully admitted it to Shelby, who had praised the passion and ambition that drove her, but encouraged her to work on those parts of her personality that had let her down. And for that reason she was glad for the little girl cuddled up against her. If anything, being a sister might teach her to think less about herself, to be less selfish and self-centred.

* * *

As the days turned into a week, Rachel felt herself growing more at home each day. She missed her Dad's, but her relationship with Shelby was flourishing. She still couldn't see her as the mother she'd never had, but she was a friend, an advisor, a mentor and at those really low points, almost a fairy god-mother. She loved her dads but they couldn't relate to what she was going through –Shelby had been there and experienced it all, understood her drive for stardom, her passion for music and the passion that drove her in life. Shelby encouraged her to focus on music as a way of healing, as a way of expressing all her hurts and fears. Many an hour was spent in the Carmel high school auditorium, taking turns playing and singing, talking and eventually even laughing, Beth a constant presence as she gurgled and clapped along with them. Shelby had been right, time and distance had been exactly what she needed – she still missed Finn, still loved him more than anything, but the almost pathological need to hold onto him diminished every day. The enforced lack of communication with all things Lima (excepting her Dad's) had been hard at first, but had been exactly what she needed to give herself a fresh start. She finally felt like she was coming to terms with their breakup and when Shelby suggested she choose a song that suited the mood of how she was feeling she didn't need to think twice about her selection.

_And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to  
And now the night is near  
Now I can make believe he's here_

Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head

On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers

I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life  
I've only been pretending  
Without me  
His world would go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known

I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own

Shelby looked up at Rachel as she drew out the last notes of the song, a single tear coursing down her cheek unheeded, so caught up in the music was she. It was a beautiful rendition of one of her favourites and one that had never held more meaning. She could see that Rachel had finally turned a corner in coming to terms with her relationship breakdown, and she was so grateful that she had been the one to see her through it, and to be there to see the inner strength and determination that drove her amazingly talented daughter. Shelby smiled proudly, strangely grateful for the teenage crisis that had given her a second chance with her natural daughter.


	4. Chapter 4  Should I stay or Should I go

**A/N - thanks for the reviews everyone. I just realised after I'd written this chapter that a lot of the ground between Rachel and her mother had been covered at the end of season 1 but I'd only seen the episodes once and sort of forgot. Oh well - I didn't want to take it out as it worked in the context I needed for this story. Next episode is Finn's POV (finally!)**

**Also I just have a quick question re the US schooling system - if Rachel was a sophomore in season one how old would she be and how many more years of schooling would she have? - I understand it goes Freshman, Sophomore, senior?**

**I don't own Glee - just borrowing characters**

**Chapter 4 – Should I stay or Should I go**

Even though Rachel had only planned on staying a few days in Carmel, the prospect of returning home to Lima was never really discussed. Things were going so well that neither Shelby nor Rachel really wanted to upset the happy balance that had been established. Sure there wasn't a lot of room in the small two bedroom apartment, but Rachel didn't mind sharing her space with Beth , and Shelby seemed to really appreciate having an extra pair of hands as well as the opportunity to bond with her daughter. Days were spent with music, cooking and just hanging out and nights were reserved for talking and getting to know each other. They'd previously talked about her birth, and adoption, but Shelby was relieved to finally be able to really explain to her daughter why she had given her up.

"At the time it seemed such an easy choice. I was determined to make my way on Broadway and this seemed like a perfect opportunity. Your dad's were both so loving and caring and I knew that in giving you up you would be raised in the way I would have wanted you to be raised. I never expected to feel what I did though. When you were growing inside me you would kick until I sang to you and then you would just stop; I felt like I knew you before you emerged. When you were born I only saw you for a moment but I never forgot your face as you looked at me...and I've regretted it ever since."

There was a long pause as Shelby collected herself, tears streaming down her face. Rachel didn't really know what to say, she'd always resented that her mother had so easily given her up and then just dropped completely out of her life – always assumed that she'd never cared. It was a strange reassurance to see that it hadn't been so easy, that there were reasons.

"I never got to hold you," Shelby sniffed, "Just once I wanted to hold you in my arms..."

"You can hold me now," Rachel replied with quiet eagerness. And with that Shelby opened her arms, taking in her long-lost daughter as they cried together on the sofa. How long they had stayed like that Rachel wasn't sure, but the comfort of having a mother to hold her close, to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead was strangely reassuring.

"Why did you never try and find me?" Rachel asked eventually sitting up to meet her mother's eyes. "Weren't you curious?"

Shelby paused here, wondering how much she should say for fear of causing Rachel more hurt. She didn't want her to resent her dads, they'd had good reason to have the clause in their contract, and at the time she'd willingly agreed to it.

"I wanted it more than anything honey, but I couldn't. I'd agreed to let you go and it wasn't fair to your dads to break up your family."

Rachel nodded, her eyes downcast. There was another long moment of silence as she gathered her thoughts.

"Did you send Jesse to McKinley to find me?" she whispered, unable to look up.

"Yes I did." Shelby replied honestly. "But I wouldn't have done it had I know he would make you fall in love with him."

"Why?" she said eventually.

"Why did I send him?"

"Yes," Rachel nodded her hands twisted in knots, "Why now?"

"I have thought about you and wondered every day of my life what you had become, and then I saw you sing at sectionals. I cried, it reminded me so much of myself, and yet I don't think I ever had your talent, your confidence, your charm. There was so much joy in you that just shone through in your voice – I coudn't stop myself, I was so proud and I wanted to know you. It was selfish and it was wrong but this has been eating away for so long, and you were so close...I knew we'd run into each other at regionals and I didn't trust myself if we came face to face. Sometimes it's like looking in a mirror... "

"I know," Rachel replied, hiccouphing slightly. "I can't believe you were this close all the time."

"I'll never be far away from now on."

Rachel had laid her head again on Shelby's shoulder, relieved that she had finally made peace with her mother. They had sat for the longest time not talking, until Shelby started quietly singing as she rubbed Rachel's back. Both were grateful for the chance that had come their way – every time they had tried to form this bond it had always seemed too forced, too loaded with determination and selfish wants on both sides. Shelby wasn't sure what had changed that suddenly this time it worked. She had mellowed since adopting Beth, and the little girl certainly added another dynamic to the relationship taking the focus of the two of them a little. They were both such forceful personalities and so similar in many ways that it was bound to get intense at times.

* * *

After about ten days, Rachel started to seriously think about returning home – she only had a few days before school started again and she needed to get prepared. The problem was, she now wasn't really sure she wanted to go back. A new beginning had been exactly what she needed. As well as forging new relationships with her mother and sister, she felt like she had taken her singing to a whole new level. Her work with Shelby, watching, learning and taking advice, had given her a depth that had occasionally been lacking and technically she had come along in leaps and bounds. Working with such a talented mentor taught her a little humility as well. Shelby was honest in praising her talent but didn't shy away from being brutally truthful when needed – a kind of objectivity she had never received from her Dads who by treating her like a princess had encouraged her to think she was superior to everyone around her. Seemingly overnight she was re-inspired to follow her dream of stardom, to re-focus on her professional career but without the little girl stars in her eyes. She really started to feel that it was not an unrealistic dream after all, that she could really do this, she could really make it. To have the director of the national champion Glee club tell her she had a unique talent, that her voice was exceptional, was praise not lost on Rachel. Sure, people had told her those things all her life, but from someone who had been to Broadway and lived the life she dreamed of, it gave her the validation she needed.

Suddenly all the petty high school pressures, dramas and jealousies didn't seem to matter anymore. She wasn't even bothered that on New Years Eve she was home alone with a one year old while no doubt every other 16 year old was out partying. Well maybe it mattered a little. I mean who could help wondering which party Finn was at and which girls would be trying to change his suddenly single status. With a conscious will she stopped herself thinking those thoughts – he was his own person and his decisions were out of her control. But it still hurt, really, really hurt.

Even Shelby had taken the opportunity to venture off on a rare night out, although not before she'd tried to encourage Rachel to attend the same Vocal Adrenaline team party she was heading off to. Rachel had seen and sung with the vocal adrenaline team a couple of times since she'd been in Carmel already, but she had no interest in a rowdy gathering of people who genuinely felt happy to be welcoming a new year, who had something to celebrate and something to look forward to. For Rachel, some quiet time alone was exactly what she felt like, time to reflect on the year that had passed and make some resolutions for the one just around the corner.

Cuddled up together on the sofa, Rachel quietly sang lullabies as Beth's eyes drifted slowly closed. It was a sweet moment; the little girl had taken a fair niche of Rachel's heart in the time that she'd been in Carmel. She'd stopped trying to pick out the similarities to Puck and Quinn and had really enjoyed learning the quirks in Beth's own personality. She was at times sweet and playful and then in others headstrong and feisty. She loved Rachel, loved the sound of her voice, playing with her long dark hair and loved tottering around behind her on barely walking legs when she danced.

Rachel was just finishing off her lullaby and preparing to carry Beth to bed when in the next moment a series of mechanical beeps and buzzes completely threw her off her tune. She grimaced at the fax machine situated on the desk in the corner as it spat a sheet of paper out of the feeder which then drifted slowly across the floor, landing at the edge of the sofa. Picking it up she placed it on the coffee table before turning her attention back to Beth, whose eyes were now wide and alert. Sighing, Rachel turned her eyes heavenward in frustration, marvelling at how wonderful babies were for teaching one the art of patience and selflessness. Her eyes caught on the fax again and this time she saw the word 'Audition' leap out at her – looking at it more closely, caused her to inhale a deep breath. 'Teenagers with vocal ability' was printed in large letters under a familiar logo. Was this the opportunity she'd been waiting for?

Beth gurgled and kicked her legs and Rachel abandoned the fax for the problem before her – getting a not very sleepy looking baby off to bed. It was an hour before she finally managed to get Beth off to sleep in her cot, tiptoeing carefully out of the room before practically running back to the lounge to carefully read the intriguing fax. She read it through fully before creeping back into her shared room and pulling out the laptop that had been carefully packed away for the last ten days. Powering up she went straight to the website indicated on the fax, trying to ignore the incoming email alerts and the curiosity burning in her breast of whether any of them might be from Finn. Instead she purposely focused on the task at hand, reading through a raft of additional information. As she read, her sense of excitement grew – was it mere chance that the fax had arrived on the verge of a new year when she was contemplating fresh starts and new opportunities? Being the director of Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby probably got these sort of notices all the time, but for Rachel it opened the door to a world of possibilities. A whole raft of imaginings swam through her head as she saw herself as the star of the proposed show, rising to the dizzy heights of fame and showing everyone in Lima just what sort of celebrity material she was. In her more vivid imaginings she saw Finn, forlorn and regretful, pining over an autographed photo of herself which she would have her agent send to him as a keepsake. She indulged these thoughts for a few more minutes before reigning in her wild imagination, she was bordering on the vengeful again and as Shelby had told her, it wasn't exactly mature, adult behaviour.

What was there holding her down though? Ever practical, Rachel pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and started making a list. She placed her three options on the page followed by a for and against argument for each with gold stars next to each reason depending on how important it was to her. She wrote quickly filling the page and after half an hour of careful study and thought ended up with something like this;

**Reasons to return to Lima **

Dad and Daddy will go spare without me – 2 stars

Support New directions at Regionals (no chance without me) -1 star

Finn – small chance of getting back together, at the very least getting to see him every day (maybe too stalkerish and weird to be a plus though) – 2 stars

**Reasons not to return to Lima**

Finn – seriously think Shelby is right and we need space – 3 stars

Seriously – what do I have to go back to? – 5 stars

**Reasons to stay in Carmel**

Shelby and Beth – develop flourishing new relationship with mother and sister – 4 stars

Opportunity to join a real show choir where I will be appreciated and recognised (and very good chance of my talent helping vocal adrenaline win nationals) – 3 stars

Attend a school where talented artists are respected and rewarded as is their due – 3 stars

Opportunity to work with Shelby and develop as an artist – 3 stars

Finn – does absence really make the heart grow fonder? – 3 stars

**Reasons not to stay in Carmel**

Vocal Adrenaline - awesome award winning team but so competitive that feels like being in a room full of Santanas - envisage them having issues with my superior talent - 1 star

Can I really compete against my own team mates? – 1 star

Would it break my dad's hearts if I asked to live with my mom for a while? – 3 stars

Does Shelby want me to stay? – 3 stars

**Audition**

Opportunity to launch my professional career- 5 stars

New beginning – 5 stars

Reviewing the list she knew there was one thing that would over-ride all of the reasons and make her immediately want to go home – Finn. With a deep breath she pulled out her cell phone for the first time in ten days, flipped it on and waited. It was no more than two minutes before her messages started coming through but it seemed like hours. As she scanned them with an over-eager interest her heart sank as she drew to the bottom of the list. Three from her dads, one from Kurt and that was it. Nothing. No Christmas messages, no happy Hanukah, no 'I miss you baby, please come home'. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut she drew in a deep breath. She tried to convince herself that it didn't matter, but she wasn't that strong. It hurt, it really hurt, to finally find out how easily his love had vanished.

A single tear escaped as she felt a sob rising in her throat but she stamped it down refusing to give into this yet again. She was strong, she didn't need Finn Hudson. All she needed was herself.

Splashing her face with cold water in the bathroom she made herself a strong cup of herbal tea and sat herself down for her new mission. The rest of the evening was spent creating a new My Space page dedicated to the new, improved Rachel Berry aimed solely at furthering her career. Trawling through her library of vocal recordings she selected six of her favourite performances including her solo from sectionals and loaded them up. She also selected a number of professional portrait shots she had on file, showing her in various aspects from on-stage performance through to the standard studio head shot. By midnight she was quietly pleased with what she had achieved, so absorbed was she in her task that she didn't even realise what the time was until her mobile beeped indicating an incoming text message. She'd accidently left it on after checking her messages before, her heart now skipping beats with anticipation in hope of a message from Finn – surely he couldn't care so little as to not wish her a happy new year. If anything they had always been friends at least. Her heart sank when she saw Kurt's name flash up.

In the end her decision was easy. Now all she had to do was convince her Dad's.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N sorry this is a bit late - family staying for xmas so things are a bit hectic. Thanks for the comments - I really appreciate them. Enjoy!**

**I don't own Glee- just borrowing he characters :)**

**Chapter 5**

The two week Christmas break really put things in perspective for Finn. God knows he'd thought about little else but Rachel. Even though he knew she didn't celebrate Christmas, there was something gut-churning about the small, lonely gift with her name left under the tree on Christmas night. He'd bought it weeks before they'd broken up and forgotten to put it aside. Now, alone and abandoned it somehow reflected how he knew Rachel must be feeling. The Glee kids had got together a couple of times over the break, but there was always one person who was conspicuously absent. When he'd asked the other guys, no-one had even thought to ask her. That was his job. He'd never really understood that he wasn't just her boyfriend, he was her friend, possibly her only friend. Well besides Puck, but even he was maintaining a safe distance – things had been on edge again after the Rachel incident so he knew his football buddy wasn't going to stick his neck out and risk their friendship.

He'd tried to call her a couple of times but never got an answer, just to make sure she was OK, but her phone always went straight to voicemail. It would be just like her to turn it off in a huff and he didn't really want to leave a message – he usually blew it when he had to explain himself in less than 30 seconds. It would just have to wait until they got back to school. Besides he was over playing her 'high maintenance' games and he needed to show her that.

His first inkling that something was wrong was right before first period. He'd been hanging around his locker for ten minutes hoping to bump into her when the strangest thing happened. Instead of Rachel appearing at the locker two down from his own (she was really anal about organizing her books for the day so he was pretty much guaranteed to catch her), the weird Jew fro boy Jacob came up instead and twisted the combination popping the door open.

"Hey!" he said taking a step forward and startling the boy into retreating against the bank of metal lockers. "You freakin' weirdo - get out of Rachel's locker."

"I thought you weren't her boyfriend anymore quarterback," the shorter boy stuttered as Finn stood over him.

"I'm not, but she's still my friend and I know for a fact she doesn't want you messing around in her personal stuff."

Jacob snivelled "Well it's not her locker anymore stud – she's vacated and I got the dibs on taking up the lease on this little puppy. It cost me the front page of next edition of the school newsletter but it was worth it. If I can't have her, then I can still smell her..." he finished, his head disappearing into the cavernous space as Finn heard him take a long sniff.

Finn looked at the open locker in shock. Jacob was right, the thing was completely empty, stripped of every gold star, photo and motivational saying till all that was left was some random paper clips and the faint scent of her favourite perfume.

His brow creasing in confusion he slammed his own locker shut and retreated up the hallway wondering what the hell was going on. Was this just another ploy to distance herself from him? Had she asked for a locker transfer to prove a point to him? It was just the sort of Rachelish thing that she would do – always the drama queen.

* * *

A weird feeling in his stomach lingered all the way through first and second period though and he struggled to concentrate on his classes. By third period Spanish he knew that something was seriously wrong. It was the only class they had together but as the class filed in and took their usual seats, the one front and centre stayed conspicuously empty. Where the hell was she?

At the end of class he approached Mr Schue, making small talk about the holidays while the rest of the class emptied out into the hall.

"Hey do you know where Rachel is?" his teacher surprised him by asking. "She usually sends through a stack of emails with Glee suggestions whenever we have holiday breaks and this time -nothing."

"Uh no, I was going to ask you the same thing." Finn stammered.

They both looked absently at the vacant desk that was reserved for her use in Spanish.

"So I take it you guys didn't sort out your differences over the break?"

"Um, no. I did some thinking though and I think I'm about ready to forgive her for what she did." He paused for a moment and let out a half-laugh. "Annoying as she is I missed her like hell over the break. I just can't get her out of my head."

"Some women just do that to you Finn," his teacher said looking at him wistfully. "And they're the ones to hang onto."

By lunchtime he was seriously worried. He hadn't seen even a glimpse of the 5'2 brunette and he usually caught sight of her in the halls or canteen. With the weather outside so atrocious he knew she had to be hiding in the school somewhere. Skipping his canteen lunch he went to all the usual haunts, the auditorium, the Glee rehearsal room, hell even to the car park to scope out her usual spot. Nothing. Nada. Zip. No Rachel.

Sitting alone in the auditorium a strange emptiness settled in the pit of his stomach that he knew wasn't because he'd just skipped lunch. It was until that moment that he really understood what a huge gap in his life she'd filled. The tiny slip of a girl with a personality the size of Everest was gone almost as if she'd vanished into thin air. Slipping out his mobile he sent a quick message racing through the buttons before he could change his mind.

_Hey rach, we need to talk – call me?_

After sitting in complete silence for ten minutes he picked up the phone again – she never left texts unanswered.

_Please? I'm freaking out here wondering where you are – just let me know you're ok. I miss you XXX Finn_

He skipped next class and went to the library, jumping on one of the computers in the corner while trying to avoid the hawk-eyes of the tyrant librarian. Logging into his MySpace page he hit on the link to Rachel's personal page only to get a blocked message. She'd removed him from her friends list? Wow. This was bad.

* * *

Making his way to the men's room he turned on the cold tap and splashed icy water over his face. For the longest time he stood there staring at the water funnelling down the drain. Where the hell was she?

By Tuesday afternoon Glee rehearsal Finn had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Rachel was either staying home to avoid him or had been abducted by aliens.

When Mr Schue came in with his 'I've got bad news' face he suddenly came up with a third – maybe she'd actually changed schools. He somehow knew what Schuester was going to say before the words were even out of his mouth. To the rest of the gang the news that they were once again looking for a new Glee club member was met with complete surprise. Until that moment he didn't think anyone but himself had realised that Rachel wasn't there. With a chorus of 'How dare she's', "Typical drama queen...' and 'This is your fault Finn' ringing in his ears he dropped his head in his hands.

"Where is she?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know Finn." Mr Schue said gently. "The office said an email request came through notifying them of her withdrawal from McKinley. She hasn't transferred to another school so she's either home schooling, gone to a private school or left the state."

"great," said Puck loudly "You lost us this one Hudson so it's up to you to find a replacement. I found Queen Kong over here," he muttered jerking his thumb at their newest team member who doubled on the wrestling team, "so this one's down to you."

"This never would have happened if you hadn't made out with my girl..."

"Hey dude – can you blame her for coming to the Puckman?" he said leaning over the chair in front of him to get in Finn's ear. "You know I'm starting to see a pattern here - you can't satisfy your women so they all come knocking on my door..."

In the next second all hell broke loose. Without even looking Finn rounded his fist to connect firmly with Puck's face before they both fell down the tiered seating area ending up wrestling on the floor while the rest of the Gleeks looked on.

"Glee is awesome," muttered their newest member before she launched herself into the fray, less than thirty seconds later coming up with Finn's head locked under her arm, and Puck's squeezed between her thighs.

Both boys faces were reddening at an alarming rate and they were left gasping for breath when Schuester finally got her to release them.

"Guys this is not helping, we have 8 weeks until regional's and we have a lot of work to do."

"Mr Schue," piped up Mercedes, "I am sorry but we are totally screwed. First Kurt and now Rachel? How we gonna win this thing with two of our three best singers gone. I can't carry this thing on my own you know."

"I know," he muttered shaking his head. "Anybody got any ideas?"

"I have one," piped up Santana, "how about Hudson growing a pair and actually doing something about getting his girlfriend back. I swear that girl wouldn't be so high maintenance if she just got laid..."

"You got that right..." Puck echoed

That was it. Without a word Finn picked himself up off the floor grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room. The guys were right. This was his mess and he needed to fix it. For once in his life he had to man up and go after what he wanted.


	6. Chapter 6 Leaving on a Jet Plane

_A/N – sorry about the slow update- been away on holidays over xmas and not much screen time. I'll try and post more regularly from now on. Things are happening slowly right now but will try speeding up!_

_Disclaimer – don't own Glee and just borrowing characters to make my own happy ending_

**Chapter 6 – Leaving on a jet plane**

Queued at the check-in counter Rachel was a bundle of excitement and nerves. Shelby and her two dad's were there with her and as she looked back at the three of them standing together she felt a strange sense of irony that the last time they had all been together was 16 years ago on the day she was born. Now, on the day she was leaving them all, they were together again.

The decision to leave Ohio in the end had been relatively simple and who knew, she could be back here in a couple of weeks anyway. It was just an audition after all.

As she handed her ticket to the check-in clerk the vibration in her pocket alerted her to an incoming text. She smiled a little at this – it was lunchtime on what should have been her first day at school after the break. _Like clockwork_ she thought to herself; Finn has just realised that I'm no longer at school. There was a strange thrill of satisfaction as she imagined him now going into a panic with the realisation that he'd really lost her this time. A week ago she might have reached for her phone to check that message, might have told the clerk that no she really didn't want to get on that flight to follow her dreams, that she was going to stay in Lima with her boyfriend. But now...now she was stronger, wiser, and her heart just that little bit tougher than it was a week ago. Pulling her phone out she switched it off, telling herself not to even look at the message until she was safely at her destination and it was too late for second thoughts. She still loved him, she knew that as well as she knew she was going to get this part, but she didn't need him like she had done. She knew she had the strength and drive on her own to get on that plane and show the studio big-wigs what Rachel Berry could do. Now was the time to focus on her career, not to worry about teenage relationship dramas. She'd had a momentary waver when Shelby had laughingly warned her against taking any of her advice when it came to choosing career over a relationship – after all she was the one that had chased her dream only to find herself alone at forty, adopting a stranger's child because she'd been too late to have a family or form a relationship with the daughter she'd given up 16 years before. Rachel had smiled and given her mother an impromptu hug at this. "You found me when it mattered," she whispered holding her tightly, "and even though it's taken a while I finally feel like I have a mom."

Embracing her Dads for the last time in who knew how long she repeated 'I love yous' to both of them and promised to be careful and not talk to any strangers. They both had tears in their eyes as they reluctantly let go of her hands. Shelby stood a little to the side smiling at the unusual family circle and the love that was contained within it. She could never replace the years of care and memories that Rachel had with her fathers but she was pleased that she was at least able to be there when needed. She had been a little surprised when Rachel had raised the prospect of attending the audition, she hadn't really thought it was where she wanted to be professionally, I mean it was completely the opposite direction to Broadway. She soon realised though that when her daughter was determined to do something, no force could stand in her way. You either got on board or got the hell out of the way. So she'd called in a few favours with an old Broadway producer friend who'd agreed to take Rachel in for a few weeks and now here they were three days later seeing her off at the airport.

Rachel straightened her sheer button up shirt and pulled her new sweater closely around her shoulders as she made her way towards the security screening point. She caught sight of herself in the reflective glass barrier and smiled a little. Once they had determined that she was going to try the audition Shelby had unceremoniously and not very politely pulled apart her wardrobe declaring everything she had completely unsuitable. She had muttered something about 'expecting two gay dad's to have done better in developing a sense of fashion' before dragging her off to the nearest mall for a marathon shopping expedition.

"To be a star you need to dress like it," Shelby had reminded her every time she dared to look sideways at a nice sweater with a cute animal on it. "Power is everything in this business - you can have all the talent in the world but they won't look twice looking like you just stepped off the hay wagon...or out of a miniature doll collectors catalogue."

Rachel had merely nodded, more than a little mortified. I mean she was used to Santana and her fellow school students ridiculing her fashion style but to have her mom so bluntly compare her to a cabbage patch doll was a little hard to take. She knew Shelby could be ruthless at times, but she respected her for it, it was what people in the business did. Besides Shelby really knew what she was talking about – her sense of style and eye for flattering clothes was almost as good as Kurt's and despite her own penchant for wearing unrelieved black she managed to pick out a number of outfits for Rachel that were flattering to her figure and gave her a sense of confidence in her body (despite some of Shelby's ruthlessly practical remarks).

"You have not much up top so you really need to make the most of that, a fitted button up that shows a little cleavage will catch the casting agent's eye."

"But I'm auditioning for the part of a teenage girl – shouldn't I dress a little more conservatively?"

"Maybe in Ohio or New York but not where you're going honey. Nobody wears nearly enough clothes in LA so you better get used to showing some skin..."

Rachel had shaken her head a little at this. Shelby certainly wasn't your typical teenage mom, and more than once over the past two weeks she was kind of grateful that they hadn't grown up in the same house together. They were too similar and both liked having their own way a little too much – she could imagine there would have been some major diva fights along the way. Now she was more mature she could really appreciate Shelby's personality.

But now as she gave Shelby a final hug and kiss goodbye before she passed through security she could earnestly say 'I love you, mom'. Her mom had squeezed that little bit harder and then whispered 'knock 'em dead' in her ear before turning away with a suspicious wipe of the eyes.

* * *

Back in Lima, Finn's mission to find Rachel had taken some serious setbacks. He'd rung her home and spoken to her Dad, but he'd refused to divulge why she'd left the school or where she'd gone. In fact he'd been pretty short to the point where Finn was certain he didn't even want to speak to him. He'd even driven past her house a couple of times hoping she was there, but the light in Rachel's room remained off.

Since she'd blown him out as a MySpace friend he asked Kurt to check her page for him but there were no updates since before school break. It was weird – she was normally so fanatical about updating every day. Even if it was just to add a link to her new favourite song or add a new photo. As he scanned the site he noticed that the photos of the two of them that had littered her page were all gone. In fact nearly all the photos were gone, transplanted by graphics and sad song lyrics.

He'd spent the rest of the night sending text after text, each of them sounding more desperate than the last. He'd long since given up trying to call – as much as he liked hearing the sound of her voice message the fact that she just wasn't going to answer was becoming clearer by the hour. Eventually he threw the phone across his bed in frustration, muttering under his breath a dozen things he was certain would have his mom reaching for the mouth scrub. He spent the next two hours alternately mulling over what an idiot he was and what a drama queen Rachel was. In the end he wasn't sure if he was more annoyed at her for leaving or himself for letting her go. Just as he was drifting off to sleep a vibration under his shoulder alerted him to an incoming text. In his half asleep state he fumbled it a couple of times, cursing his oversized hands and the miniscule buttons on his cheap Nokia his heart beating double time at the text ID. It was from her.

_Thx 4 txts - I'm fine, just can't be in Lima at the moment. Don't know what else to say but I'm 'defying gravity'. Apologies to Glee and good luck 4 regional's, Rachel._

That was it? After six months of intense dating and numerous declarations of undying love that was all he deserved? For the life of him he would never work out Rachel Berry.

A knot formed in his stomach as he read the text again, digesting her words – it sounded so final.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Thanks heaps for the reviews! I love hearing what you think of my story. Sorry about the abrupt ending last chapter – I was trying to get something up as I hadn't posted in a while so it was the best I could do. Anyway this pretty much continues on...**

**PS: love Kurt and super-happy that Chris Colfer won a golden globe! So deserving although I think Lea should have won one also.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee just trying to do justice to someone else's wonderful characters**

**Chapter 7 – I still haven't found what I'm looking for**

For two hours Kurt watched in silence sighing over the pathetic sight of his step-brother mooning over the diva that was determined to torture him. Finn really had no idea. If he was feeling sympathetic he might have offered a friendly ear but part of him kind of felt like Finn deserved it. He was no fan of Rachel Berry but he knew what it was to love too much, to put all the effort in for so little in return. In short he knew the pain of unrequited love. Besides Finn needed to suffer, needed to stew a little over the situation to make him really appreciate what he'd lost, to spur some sort of action. He didn't doubt for a moment that Rachel Berry would be back – for some strange reason that he couldn't quite fathom the two seemed to attract and repulse each other like some sort of weird magnetic force.

As he was preparing for bed a flurry of activity on Finn's bed at the other end of the room piqued his interest (and no it wasn't _that_ kind of activity – Finn and he had come to an arrangement in that respect with this room sharing deal). He watched as Finn fumbled with the phone, his face dropping as he read the incoming text. After ten minutes of muttered curses he could stand the suspense no longer.

"Ms Berry returns?" he asked coolly, fairly certain that Rachel was trying a new tack in her relationship pursuit.

"Nope." Finn replied sullenly holding his phone out to Kurt. "She's gone."

Kurt raised an eyebrow in surprise as he read the text. A well crafted message he thought to himself, brief yet mysterious and intriguing enough to keep Finn in the chase. Whether Finn understood the metaphor of 'Defying Gravity' or not he wasn't certain but Kurt certainly did. In a way he was relieved, he'd been a little worried about whether Rachel Berry was strong enough to bounce back from the 'final' break-up but it certainly looked like the famous Berry determination had kicked in.

"Thoughts?" Kurt asked briefly, tossing the phone on the bed as he sauntered back across the room.

"How should I know? I can't believe she'd really leave like that, especially before regional's. I mean Glee is her life, she never shuts up about winning."

"Correction - Glee was a _part_ of her life and she was pretty put out by being side-lined for sectionals. In case you're forgetting something, you were a big part too and you broke-up with her so I can understand her feeling superfluous to needs – I've been there too you know."

Finn grunted. "She made out with Puck, what do you expect me to do?"

"Deal with it. You lied to her about sleeping with Santana - at least she tried to work through that with you – did you even discuss why she hooked up with Puck?"

"Yes – she said she was hurt and she wanted to get back at me. I just never thought she'd do something like that you know. I was really disappointed in her."

Kurt sighed. "Rachel is a 16 year old girl. I know you think she's a princess, but believe me she's human like the rest of us and is prone to making the same stupid mistakes as everybody else. Unless you realize that and learn to forgive and forget your relationship is never going to work."

"I know she's not perfect – she's bossy and demanding and uses way too many big words but this is different. I just didn't think she was that person. "

"Dear God we are getting nowhere," Kurt muttered to the ceiling. "Let me put it this way then – do you still love her?"

"Of course I do."

"Then go and get her because honestly you are just too painful to be around."

"I would if I knew where she was."

"This is Rachel we're talking about here – she needs attention like she needs oxygen. She might have disappeared from mySpace and the digital ether but my guess is it won't be for long. She'll be back in cyberspace before you know it, which is why the good Lord invented Google..."

Kurt dragged out his laptop, flopping down on the sofa with a dramatic sigh as if it was all too much effort. Secretly he loved the romantic intrigue of it – as much as he disliked Rachel, he totally admired her flair for the dramatic. She was a diva and proud of it, unluckily for his step-brother.

Half an hour later and things were looking up. Thanks to Kurt's super-sleuthing efforts they'd discovered Rachel's new MySpace page. Kurt eyed it critically, noting the lack of personal notes as well as the professional layout. As he clicked on a couple of the video links of Rachel's performances he noted the ones that were unfamiliar, asking Finn if they looked recent. Finn nodded, commenting that Rachel's hair was shorter, she'd had it cut right before the Christmas break, and he didn't recognise the location at all. It looked like a theatre or a school auditorium but it wasn't McKinley's. The next link launched a soaring rendition of 'Defying Gravity' in the same unfamiliar surroundings. Finn halted Kurt before he closed it down to check out the next one.

"Wait, I want to see this. This is the song she was talking about in her text message wasn't it?"

Kurt nodded, removing his hand from the mouse as Rachel's flawless voice emerged from the speakers filling the room around them.

_Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes: and leap!_

It's time to try Defying gravity  
I think I'll try Defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits cause someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change but till I try, I'll never know!  
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost  
Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost!  
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity

Finn closed his eyes, rubbing his hands over his face. She'd referred to that song for a reason and now he knew for sure he'd totally blown it. Kurt replayed the last verse, looking closer at the screen this time.

"Can you not do that," Finn said harshly pretty sure his brother was torturing him on purpose, "I got the message the first time."

"Look..." Kurt said pointing at the corner of the screen. Finn's face crinkled in confusion at the sight of a blonde headed cherub crawling into the corner of the picture.

"It's a baby, so what?"

"It's also a clue dumbass – I know where she is."

* * *

Kurt sighed as he stood in the darkened foyer of the unfamiliar apartment block waiting for the door to open. Finn stood behind him hopping from foot to foot continuing the same annoyingly impatient behaviour he'd displayed since they'd made their break-through discovery late the previous night.

"Ms Corcoran?" Kurt said politely as the door opened.

"Yes," Shelby replied curiously looking the immaculately dressed boy before her up and down.

"I'm Kurt Hummel, a friend of Rachel's. We were wondering if we might talk to you for a few minutes."

"Sure," she said opening the door to let the two boys in.

Finn followed Kurt, passing by Shelby as she held the door.

"Hi, I'm Finn Hudson," he said holding out his hand. Shelby looked at it and looked at him, making no move to take her hands off her hips. Finn nodded and dropped it, following Kurt uncomfortably up the narrow hallway.

"Wait," she said in confusion as she got a closer look at him in the light. "You're Finn?"

"Uh yeah," he replied, now getting an even frostier vibe off the woman standing before him. He shouldn't be surprised really, he'd got the same frozone treatment from Rachel's dad.

"Aren't you the one who slashed the tyres on my performer's range rovers last year?"

"Yes," he replied feeling the heat creep up his cheeks.

"And you would also be the Finn who Rachel has been cursing and crying about for the last two weeks."

"Uh, yeah," he replied sheepishly. "Is she here? I'd really like to talk to her."

"Do you think I'd let you in if she was?" she replied with a raised eyebrow.

Finn mutely shook his head, a cold chill running down his spine. Closing the door Shelby guided them to the small living room offering a seat on the sofa. She herself remained standing, her arms crossed in front of her as she eyed the boys before her critically.

Her apartment was an eclectic mix of old broadway shabby chic contrasted with the occasional child's toy, the sounds of Ella Fitzgerald playing softly from a stereo in the corner.

"Oh your decor is fabulous," Kurt gushed looking around him in awe. Finn looked at him sideways. _Was he serious?_ They had at last found evidence of Rachel's whereabouts and all Kurt was worried about was interior design? All Finn could see were reminders of her presence; one of her barrettes discarded on the cluttered coffee table, a sticky gold star half hidden under the edge of the sofa, a very recent looking photo of Rachel and a baby pinned to a corkboard on the wall.

"Thanks, Kurt," Shelby replied finally cracking a smile and softening a little. "Can I get you boys a drink?"

"Oh," Kurt said gushing again, "a chamomile tea would be divine!" Finn merely shook his head, his eyes glued to the photo as his brain processed the surreal scene before him. Here he was getting death glares from Rachel's mom as he stared at a photo of his smiling ex-girlfriend holding his ex-ex girlfriends and ex-best friend's baby. God, what karmic rule did he break to deserve this kind of torture?

"Can you be any more of a suck-up," Finn whispered as soon as she left the room.

"You have much to learn young grasshopper," Kurt replied dismissively as he scanned the room again with an inquisitive rather than appreciative eye. "I want you to go and make small-talk with mommy dearest in the kitchen and buy me some time."

"Why don't _you_? She hates _me_," he snapped standing up to look at the photo more closely. Rachel looked happy, really happy, the sight of her holding a baby in her arms causing a lump to form in his throat. That was going to be his baby one day, and he just knew she was going to be an awesome mom. He really needed to get her back.

"You need to help me here Finn," Kurt muttered in frustration. "Yes she's been here but I'm guessing her mom isn't going to come clean on where she is right now. So you distract her while I look for clues." It took another long moment of inactivity and a dramatic "I really don't need to be here right now..." from Kurt before Finn finally managed to make his way to the kitchen.

Shelby was busy arranging cups on a tray which was perched precariously on the narrow bench. Offering to hold it for her, she gave him a brief nod before turning away to find the tea bags.

"So uh, Rachel came to stay with you over the break?"

"She sure did. Kind of at a loose end after you dumped her so she decided it was time for a change of scene."

Finn bit his tongue.

Shelby looked at him for a long moment trying to determine what the expression on his face meant. "I'm not sorry she broke up with you by the way. I know she thinks she's in love with you but seriously honey, she deserves better than a two-timing jock with a penchant for petty vandalism."

"I know she does," he said quietly. "How is she?"

"Better." she replied simply, loading up the tray he held.

* * *

Half an hour later the two boys emerged from the small apartment; one disheartened and feeling like he'd been put through the ringer, the other quietly satisfied with their evening's work.

"Well that was a complete waste of time," Finn grumbled in disappointment. "You know I don't mean to trash anyone's mom but Rachel's is a total bitch."

"She's a piece of work isn't she?" Kurt replied with a teasing smile. "You do know the theory about girls turning into their mom's don't you? Still sure you want to chase Ms Berry's tail?"

"Of course I do. I mean Rachel is bossy and rude sometimes but she has a heart – in fact she's more caring than anyone I know."

"Hmmm, makes you wonder why she took up with Puck doesn't it?" Kurt said with a raised brow. Finn frowned in reply.

"She has passion, sometimes misguided," Kurt continued, "but everything she does comes from the heart. Your life with her will never be dull."

"If I ever get her back – at the moment I'm totally screwed. Shelby gave us nothing but the run around and we've still got no idea where Rachel is."

"That's where you're wrong my dear brother."

"Huh?"

"While Ms Corcoran was out collecting that sweet munchkin from her nap I found this under some papers on the coffee table..." Kurt said producing a slip of paper. "A seemingly innocent notice but tellingly marked with all the hallmarks of Ms Rachel Berry's interest."

Finn studied it for a moment. It was a black and white printed flyer but decorated with gold stars.

"You really think she'd go for this?"

"Why wouldn't she? It's an opportunity and she's at a loose end. Besides who knows what that mother of hers would encourage her to do with regional's coming up?"

Finn looked at the logo frowning. "I know she wants to be a star one day but she's not really a Disney kind of person."

"Timberlake, Spears, Cyrus, Berry...hmmm, I suspect you're right" mused Kurt, "but this is advertising for an ensemble cast."

Slapping his step-brother on the shoulder as they headed across the car park, Kurt couldn't wipe the amused smile from his face. "Cheer up Finnegan," he teased, "looks like you're off to the happiest place on earth..."


	8. Chapter 8  I believe I can fly

A/N – thanks again for the reviews. I was trying to have this story done before Glee returns but can't see it happening. Another chapter or two and Fin and Rachel will be together again though

Don't own Glee- just borrowing the characters.

**Chapter 8 – I believe I can fly**

On the morning of the audition Rachel awoke early, excited and nervous about what the day would hold. She was quietly confident of success – she had never failed in an audition before and she didn't plan on starting now. Admittedly the stakes were a little higher and the competition likely to be fierce – this wasn't High School productions in Lima, Ohio, this was network TV with one of the biggest studios in the world. But she was Rachel Berry and what was there that she couldn't do? Her singing was unparalleled, her acting almost as good and she'd mastered every style of dance by the age of eight. And as Shelby had told her late the night before, 90% of winning the casting agents over was the confidence of your delivery – look like a winner and you will be. And that morning she felt like she owned the earth. With a wry smile she considered how only a month ago she had been mired in the deepest funk she had ever known. She was proud of herself for getting through it and coming out stronger than ever - the feeling giving her the extra burst of determination she was going to need in this audition.

As she ran through her morning routine, she couldn't stop herself smiling with excitement. The three days she had already spent in Los Angeles had been taken up with organising a new life, getting settled and enrolled in school, which had been fun in its own way, but bubbling under the surface had been the constant impatience to get to the reason why she was there. She'd settled in nicely with Shelby's friend Lauren, who along with her husband Mike, lived not far from studio city in a palatial residence complete with a guest wing and pool cabana. They had taken Rachel in with open arms, both making her feel right at home. Their own children were now adults so they appreciated being able to help out the long-lost daughter of an old and dear friend.

Shelby called at 8am promptly, wanting a full report on what outfit Rachel planned to wear. She'd chosen a black pleated mini with a short-sleeved white button up blouse which could be both demure and sexy depending on how she wore it. Her hair she had left down, pinning her bangs back out of her eyes and using her curling iron just to give it a slight bounce. Shelby obviously didn't trust her description so in the end Rachel took a photo of herself in the mirror and texted it through only to receive a critical 'too mid-west school girl – spice it up a bit and show some skin' along with an extensive list of modifications in response. Rolling her eyes, she read through the minute detail frowning at some of the suggestions (undoing two buttons on the blouse and she'd be arrested for exposure!).

She had actually been happy with her look, she knew fashion wasn't her strong suit which was why she'd gone for something fairly plain and conservative. After all they were there to look at her talent not her wardrobe! Rachel sent a quick text in reply feeling a moment of guilt in lying to her mom by promising to change her outfit when she had no intention of doing so. Honestly Shelby was proving to be the worst 'show-mom' in the world and she couldn't help but wonder whether she would have gotten to where she was now if she had grown up living with her. With an involuntary shudder she had a brief flash of herself as a three year old dressed up a la 'toddlers and tiara's' while Shelby mimicked elaborate dance moves in front of stage. Poor Beth, she thought, I hope she grows up a tomboy with no singing or dancing talent!

* * *

When Rachel arrived at the studio she had to make a conscious effort not to gape like a kid in a candy store. From the multitude of hanger-size studio buildings covered in film advertising billboards to the on-set trailers which housed the stars of this enormous factory, everything about it was impressive. Alive with trendily dressed people moving about purposefully, she took a deep breath and shed her cardigan, unbuttoning the top button on her blouse as she went. _OK, Maybe Shelby had a point_. _Blend in_, she told herself, _I need to look like I belong here_!

Her confidence wavered a little as she entered the hallway to the studio where the auditions were to take place – there were literally one hundred girls ahead of her, most of them looking like they'd stepped out of the McKinley High cheerio squad. Tanned, athletic and immaculately groomed, they lounged about like they did this sort of thing every day. A few of those same girls turned her way with bored expressions as she identified herself at reception before giving her the once over and dismissing her as no competition.

She filled out her details and was given a number as well as a couple of foolscap sheets with some dialogue and a brief. Finding a seat in a quiet corner she prepared herself for the audition to come. Analysing the scene and memorising the lines she glanced up and noticed that the crowd had thinned considerably. Keeping an eye on the large double door at the end of the hallway she noted that the rotation of candidates through the portal seemed to happen at fairly regular two minute intervals.

T_hat was it? That was all the time she had_?

A few came out visibly shaken but most looked like they'd been searching for their big break for a while and this was just all part of the routine. One or two even smirked at her as she gargled her water in preparation and ran through her vocal warm-ups but she ignored them – their silent ridicule was no different to dealing with Santana on a good day. _Maybe I'll catch the director's attention because I am different_ she reassured herself as a leggy blond who made Quinn Febray look plain passed by her on the way to the exit.

Her cell phone vibrated, shaking her out of her negative thoughts and she automatically flipped it open – Shelby again! She wasn't sure she could cope with any more 'constructive criticism' right now but she opened up the message anyway.

'_Break a leg, honey, with your talent it's in the bag. Call me when you're done - Love you, mom._'

Rachel wasn't normally given to sentimentality but a strange rush of feeling surged through her as she read the simple text. How long had she waited for a mother to care about her, to utter those words of love? In the last month she had experienced the most remarkable journey from romantic devastation to a strong maternal re-union. Now, as she sat waiting for her chance to kick-start her career, she couldn't help but think how breaking up with Finn might have been the biggest turning point of her life. Smiling to herself she turned off her phone dropping it back in the bag as she heard her name called. _Here we go_, she said to herself taking a deep breath.

* * *

"And what have you selected for us today Ms..."

"Berry," she interrupted as the gentleman's eyes scanned the sheet in front of him. "Rachel Barbra Berry of Lima Ohio, my middle name is a tribute to Streisand you know – my dad's were big fans..."

"Great thanks," the man interrupted and Rachel mentally kicked herself for rambling. "you read the brief - one song and then we might run through the scene you've been given. What do you have for us today?"

"Well in keeping with the tradition of the establishment with which I'm seeking to launch my career I've selected a medley of songs from various Disney classics..." she replied with her trademark enthusiasm.

"Keep it under two minutes," came the muttered response heavy with boredom, "you've seen the queue outside."

Rachel set her ipod in a small cradle set up for the use of the performers and pressed play on the previously queued up track. She started off with the introduction of the famous 'Whole new world' from Alladin before melding it into 'Can you feel the love tonight' from the Lion King and ending it off with the last two verses of 'Feed the birds' from Mary Poppins. She was pretty certain she'd gone well over the two minutes allocated but no metaphorical hook had come on to drag her off side-stage.

"OK Ms Berry," came the voice from the dark as her voice trailed off. It sounded slightly less bored and impatient than it had two minutes before which bolstered her confidence a little.

"That was very nice but how about we step it up a bit," the man continued. "The show we're casting for is a little more edgy than your usual Disney fare – can you show us something more upbeat?"

"Certainly, I'm very versatile," she said enthusiastically as she walked over to her iPod. As she quickly worked her way through the menu she continued talking. "My musical repertoire spans many genre's from Broadway classics to the latest pop songs as well as classic rock and even the occasional hip-hop tune. Your establishment has certainly produced a number of performers of great versatility so in keeping with the Disney theme I'd like to perform..."

"Just get on with it..." came the voice again growing impatient.

"Right," she replied pressing the play button.

As the familiar sounds of Ms Britney Spears 'Toxic' boomed through the stereo she kept her back to the casting panel as she adjusted her attire in an effort to reflect the tone of the song; that extra button came undone, her skirt hiked up a little, and her hair was released from its pins falling free in gentle waves. Focusing on the music she reminded herself of the familiar steps they'd performed in Glee a few months before. It had been an ensemble performance then but she figured it would work just as well solo. As always she totally absorbed herself in the music, living the performance as she danced and sang her way across the stage, undulating and gyrating in rhythm with the music.

_Baby, can't you see  
I'm calling  
A guy like you  
Should wear a warning  
It's dangerous  
I'm fallin'  
_  
_There's no escape  
I can't hide  
I need a hit  
Baby, give me it  
You're dangerous  
I'm lovin' it_

_Too high_  
_Can't come down_  
_Losing my head_  
_Spinning 'round and 'round_  
_Do you feel me now_

_With a taste of your lips_  
_I'm on a ride_  
_You're toxic_  
_I'm slipping under_  
_With a taste of poison paradise_  
_I'm addicted to you_  
_Don't you know that you're toxic_  
_And I love what you do_  
_Don't you know that you're toxic_

There was silence as she finished, her final dance move had left her half-crouching right in front of the panel of casting agents and she couldn't help but notice the stunned expression on more than one face. For a moment Rachel thought she'd made the biggest blunder in the world (she was pretty sure Shelby would have a fit when she told her the song choice.) But as her breathing steadied she could hear the sound of quiet talking and then suddenly the lights went up and she was at last able to make out the panel before her more clearly. Suddenly she felt exposed, the three rather mature gentleman were all staring at her with undisguised interest while the one female on the panel made notes on some paperwork. Straitening she readjusted her clothes and plastered the signature Rachel Berry smile on her face.

"Impressive," stated the gentleman in the middle dryly. "I've never seen a sixteen year-old pull off Britney quite so convincingly. Given the authenticity of your performance Ms Berry, it seems appropriate at this juncture to ask if you have any past history that might impact on your suitability to be a performer for this organisation."

Rachel smiled broadly at his compliment which was quickly followed by a frown as she digested the question that followed. "I'm not sure what you mean," she replied feeling a little silly.

"Any skeletons in your closet?" he replied drily. "Sexual escapades, history of drug or alcohol use, nude photos that may happen to be in the possession of an ex-boyfriend?"

"Certainly not!" She replied with an indignant blush before forcing herself to calmly reply. "It has been the business of my life so far to hone and perfect my skills for occasions such as this. From the moment I was born I was destined for stardom and as such I have not allowed myself to be distracted by the usual teenage pitfalls."

Taking a pen and post-it notepad from her bag she flipped through her phone as she talked. "I can provide you with the phone and email address of an excellent referee who can verify my unimpeached record throughout high school. Jacob Ben Israel is the editor of a gossip blog that is somehow recognised as the official McKinley High school newspaper and is privy to any scandal occurring amongst the teenage populace of Lima, Ohio. Despite his many attempts to sexually blackmail me in exchange for favourable press I trust his journalistic integrity and I'm certain that he can assure you my reputation is unblemished by scandal of any sort," she finished handing over a post-it note.

The panel members in front of her looked a little taken aback by her organised efficiency, especially when contrasted with the performance they'd just seen. For some strange reason, more than one felt like a tornado had just blown through the room.

The gentleman on the end nodded towards the door and Rachel turned on her heel, collected her bag and iPod and breezed out. Making sure it was closed firmly behind her she quickly checked her watch, marvelling at the time – twenty minutes. That was good right? Everyone else had gotten two minutes or less. Whipping out her phone she sent a quick text to Shelby, unable to remove the smile from her face.

"_Nailed it!"_


	9. Chapter 9 Call Me

**A/N Thanks again for all the reviews – I've kind of ended this in a weird spot but the conversation between Finn and Rachel and aftermath was pretty long so it'll be next chapter. And yes it's taking Finn a while to get off his butt and do something but he's usually pretty slow on the uptake with most things.**

**I don't own Glee or any of the songs**

**Chapter 9 – Call me**

Finn slammed his locker shut causing the entire bank to vibrate, the sound echoing through the near empty hallway. It was early and he wasn't quite sure why he'd kept up with the 'Finchel' habit of arriving at school well before class time to hang-out, after all there was no-one to hang out with. Maybe he was hoping by some miracle she'd just reappear. He knew that wasn't going to happen given what he and Kurt had discovered at her mom's earlier in the week. He'd spent all week stewing over it, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now. Kurt seemed to think he should drop everything and drive his truck two thousand miles across the country but hell, would she even be there when he got there? Rachel still wouldn't take his calls and he'd given up texting when he'd gotten no response after that single reply on Monday night.

And now it was Friday, which for the last 6 months had been his favourite day of the week. Friday was game night which meant he'd play and do awesome with Rachel cheering him on from the stands. Even though they'd sort of been broken up the last couple of games, her loyalty was pretty fierce and she'd cheered for him with the same enthusiasm she always had. Having his own cheer squad was all kinds of awesome and he actually played better knowing he was someone special's hero. That was always followed by their post-game date, which usually involved grabbing some food somewhere then going back to his or hers for a movie which was really just an excuse for the most intense make-out session of the week. He was always pumped full of adrenaline and Rachel was always extra -enthusiastic after watching him run around in his 'tights' as she called them. Either way, Friday nights got him more mileage than the rest of the week put together. Friday nights she always let him under her clothes and she was always keen to get under his. The feeling of her hands running up his bare back under his shirt, her nails dragging slightly on his skin as she did that super-hot move with her mouth on his neck was one of his favourite Rachel things. That combined with the memory of how he'd slip his hands under her skirt all the way up to her ass had him scattering to the nearest men's room with a heavy sigh. It was going to be a long day...

Emerging from the bathroom stall ten minutes later, Finn was embarrassed to find Jacob Ben Israel leaning against the wash basins, a knowing smirk on his lips. _How the hell did he slip in without me hearing_? There was something freaky about the kid and being caught 'operating the joystick' by the school's resident gossip monger was just making his day go from bad to worse.

"I see we have something in common quarterback, I always like to start the day with a Rachel Berry inspired workout."

"You do not get to think of her that way," Finn said forcefully pushing the shorter boy up against the washstand wall.

"Sh...She's not your property any more remember?"

"I don't care – it's gross and disrespectful and if there's one thing Rachel hates it's guys treating chicks like that."

"Hypocrite," the shorter boy replied, not even trying to wriggle out from under the arm that held him against the wall.

Finn frowned and let him go. "What are you doing in here anyway, it's kind of creepy listening in to stuff like that. And don't even think about putting this in your trashy rag either."

"I'm sure we can negotiate something if you're willing to co-operate."

Finn looked at him impatiently, knowing by the look on his face he was up to something. "What?"

" First week back and I'm sitting on the biggest scoop of the school year, but this story is so big I need to check all my sources."

"What do you want from me?"

"To find out what you know about the whereabouts of one Ms Rachel Berry. We both know she vanished mysteriously over the break but I received a very interesting phone call yesterday. If what I've found out is true it will break the school newspapers distribution records as well as bring down the Glee club."

In a flash Jacob was up against the wall again, Finn's hand grasping the front of his shirt. "You better tell me what you know and you better do it damn quick Jacob."

"That's not how this works quarterback. See I have information you want and I think you have information I want. We also have a sticky little secret that you wouldn't like to see revealed. So first you let me go and then you spill the beans on what you know about Ms Berry's whereabouts. If what you tell me backs up my information I'll spill."

Finn dropped him like a hot potato, Jacob slumping to the ground almost landing in the urinal. Finn ran a hand through his hair as he turned away.

"I don't know for sure where she is. Over the break she stayed at her mom's in Carmel but when Kurt and I went over there Tuesday she was gone. We found a flyer for an audition though and we think she may be in Los Angeles."

Jacob looked like he was going to wet his pants. "Oh this is going to make my career," he squealed.

Finn looked at him darkly, "You better tell me everything you know before I find Puck to help me load you up in the nearest dumpster."

"Hold onto your jockstrap Hudson," he said with a smirk, "because this will blow your mind. I had a call yesterday from a casting agent in Los Angeles wanting dirt on our favourite songbird."

"What? What did you tell them – you better not have given them anything."

"Relax, there is no dirt on Rachel Berry. Despite my many attempts to buy her sexual favours the most I ever got was a pair of her tighty-whitie's, hardly enough to bring down a budding actress's career. You can thank my journalistic integrity however for getting all the details of the interested party, after all I never reveal anything without checking who's making the enquiries."

"And?"

"She's been short-listed in the auditions for a major TV show going into pilot production for the mouse-house. Rachel Berry looks like she's going to be the next Disney starlet."

"Shit..." muttered Finn leaning over the sink a sick feeling rising in his stomach. "When this gets out the guys from Glee are going to kill me. What's it going to take not to run this story?"

"Sorry big guy, not even Rachel Berry's moistened undergarments could buy a story this big," he replied smugly, "but I might consider it if you have any naked photo's of her to help brighten my mornings?..."

Jacob barely got to finish his sentence before he really did land in the urinal, the bathroom door slamming closed behind a furious Finn Hudson.

* * *

Finn now officially hated Fridays. If the week had started off bad, each day without Rachel had dragged his mood down further, the episode in the bathroom just topping it off nicely. Even better he had a whole weekend of moping and kicking himself to look forward to. Oh yeah, and then there was Glee right after school which should provide a great lead in to the weekend with a guaranteed healthy kick in the nads from all his Glee-mates.

Since his and Kurt's visit to Rachel's mom's on Tuesday, Finn had been alternately kicking himself and mentally cursing Rachel until he wasn't sure who he was most angry at; her for doing the biggest metaphorical storm-out ever, or himself for letting her go. Wow, at least he got what metaphor's were now. The meeting with Jacob just confirmed where is anger should lie though – firmly with himself. Rachel had left, but now he knew she wasn't just running to get away from him; she'd taken the opportunity to kick-start her career and the gamble had paid off. She never would have done it if they were still together, she'd always been pretty clear on them pursuing their dreams together, supporting each other as they launched their careers. Hell, she'd even researched colleges that offered solid sports and music programs, drawing up some weird matrix which showed which ones he had the best chance of a scholarship for. She'd been willing to compromise on her college career for his sake and he hadn't even given her the time to talk out their problems.

"What's up your butt, mopey," came a voice from behind as Puck dropped into step beside him.

"What do you think?" Finn replied angrily, shrugging off the arm Puck had thrown over his shoulders.

"Are you still shitty with me about Berry? Man that was like a month ago – get over it already, plenty more chick's in the hen house," he answered, his eyes following a couple of cheerleaders as they breezed past, giving him the eye.

"You know what," Finn replied stopping in his tracks, "I am still shitty with you. Man we haven't even talked about what you did. You steal my girlfriends, you don't even apologise just lay low for a few weeks and then just pretend like nothin's happened. Where do you get off?"

"Hey, they came to me – Puckman don't turn down the willing and needy. That'd be cruel..."

Finn just shook his head and kept walking, what was the point in trying to get through to Puck? His moral compass was so screwed no amount of anger was going to change the way he looked at life. Puck fell into step beside him again, looking sideways at his friend who was now refusing to acknowledge his presence.

"So where is Berry anyway?"

"Hollywood," Finn answered dejectedly. "She went to some TV audition and looks like she's landed it. I've got no chance of getting her back now."

"What so you're just giving up?"

"Dude she won't even answer my calls – I've rung and texted like a hundred times. I've even used Kurt's, Burt's and my mom's phone. It's like she just knows it's me."

"And this surprises you how? Have you seen her address book - She's got like three hundred names in there. Hell, it puts my phone book to shame and I've got every MILF with a pool in there as well as a direct line to all the hottest babes in town."

"Puckerman unless this is going somewhere I'm really not in the mood right now." Finn replied starting to walk away.

"Well maybe I'll just give her a ring then 'cos if you ain't gonna get off your ass then I will. Somebody's gotta get her back before regionals."

Finn smirked, "you think she's going to take a call from you? Fat chance dude."

Puck smirked back, collaring a freshman that just happened to be walking past, demanding he hand over his cell. Before the kid or Finn could think twice Puck had tapped in the numbers and pressed the call button, the phone at his ear listening for a response. Two seconds later he got one.

"Rachel Berry speaking..."


	10. Chapter 10  Break My Stride

**A/N Wow – can't believe it's taken 10 chapters to get Finn and Rachel to have a conversation! I kind of get stuck on tangents and bogged in detail a bit so sorry about that. Apologies to any Finn fans - he is being a douche but I still think he just doesn't get it.**

**I don't own Glee or any songs used in this story**

**Chapter 10 – Break my Stride**

Puck held out the phone and Finn instinctively grabbed it putting it up to his ear in shock.

"Hello?" came the familiar voice from the end of the line.

"Hey...it's me, Finn" he answered awkwardly, "How are you?"

A long pause followed before he received a response. "I'm fine, really good actually."

"Great, that's really great. I uhhh...I heard you were in LA for some audition..."

Another long moment passed when neither of them spoke, Finn not really sure what to say. I mean he'd had a whole bunch of questions ready to ask her at the beginning of the week, like _where do you get off just leaving without telling anyone_. But now it was different, she hadn't just run away, she had a reason to be where she was, and a reason that was probably better than any lame one he could come up with for her to stay in Lima.

"Finn," she began in her formal Rachel Berry voice (the one he really hated), "no doubt my departure took you by surprise but an opportunity arose that was too good to turn down, and after everything that happened last year it seemed like a good idea to get away for a while."

"Yeah well you sure did that and then some, you never do things by halves," he half-laughed a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice.

When Rachel eventually answered her tone was clipped. "There's a reason I haven't been taking your calls Finn, and I really think for both our sakes that it's better that we don't talk. This is what you wanted after all."

"Look I get that I broke up with you Rach, and you're giving me space or whatever," he answered frustrated at the way the conversation was going. "I just...I just really miss you." He finished his tone softening.

_Silence..._

"Really?" she asked her tone hesitant.

"Yeah, _really_ like a _lot_." He replied emphasising his words, "it sucks here without you."

He could hear her breathing on the other end of the line and knew her brain was going a hundred miles an hour. If she was here in front of him now was the moment that he'd take her in his arms and kiss her senseless before either of them could say or think anything stupid and everything would be perfect again. But she wasn't here, she was two thousand miles away and he had to do the best he could before she hung up on him.

"I mean you were right, we have something really special and that's worth fighting for isn't it?"

"I thought it was, I mean I tried but you wouldn't even talk to me," she replied and he could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"I know, I was just really angry, but now... I've thought about it and I'm ready to forgive you."

" You're ready to forgive me?" she asked her voice hardening a little. "Are you ready to forgive me because you understand why I made out with Puck and your love is strong enough to overcome it or do you forgive me because I'm not sitting in Lima patiently waiting for you to change your mind?"

Finn sighed running a hand through his hair – this was not how he planned this conversation going. "I don't know, does it matter? I just miss you... I just want to go back to the way things were between us."

"Here's the thing Finn, we can't just go back, that's not how relationships work. If we go back we'll just make the same stupid mistakes for the same stupid reasons. It's not that easy."

"It is that easy," he replied firmly, "I love you Rach, it's that simple, you're just making it hard."

"You still don't get it, what this was all about.."

"No I don't," he replied his tone short."Why don't you fill me in?"

"I shouldn't have to."

Finn cursed inwardly. He hated it when she did this, like she expected him to be a God-damn mind-reader. Why couldn't she just tell him what he did wrong and he'd make sure he didn't do it again.

Her sigh interrupted his thoughts bringing him back to the present. "I do love you Finn," she began in a tone of almost resignation, "that doesn't just go away overnight, but I don't want to be doing this right now. I want my life to be about more than petty jealousies and relationship dramas – I don't want to be that person. Besides I have a huge opportunity here and I can't give that up. Finn if you really love me you shouldn't ask me to – we need to be able to give each other the space to pursue our dreams."

"I know - I just don't want to lose you Rach..." he said his voice going quiet.

"I didn't want to lose you either," she replied softly. "It really hurt."

The long silence that followed was interrupted by the class bell ringing above his head bringing Finn back to reality. Puck was still standing in front of him with a hopeful look on his face as he followed the one sided conversation, his hand still on the collar of the freshman kid whose phone he was holding to his ear. _I've got to get to class_, the kid mouthed at Finn, only to receive an elbow in the ribs from Puck.

"I should go," they both said at the same time.

"Can I call you again?" Finn asked.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea," Rachel replied hesitantly, "It's taken me a while to be OK about this. Maybe, maybe I'll just call you..."

* * *

As Rachel pressed the disconnect button, Finn's final "I love you, babe" echoed through her brain as she pressed clammy hands to flushed, damp cheeks. One conversation and she was back to square one again, a couple of 'I love you's' and her heart was willing to ignore all the hurt and unhappiness of the past two months, to leapfrog her brain and rush back into Finn's arms. She hated this, that he could so easily send her feelings into a tail-spin. Especially when he so obviously didn't get it, still didn't understand what the whole Puck thing was about. She just hated hearing that wounded tone in his voice though, especially when she knew she was the one who put it there, and she was the one who could so easily mend it for him. _No, I'm not going to do this_, she told herself, h_e needs to work this out on his own._

"I am Rachel Barbra Berry and I will not be swayed," she said to herself, repeating it a couple of times for good measure as she pulled on her tights and running gear. A good workout was what she needed right now to take her mind off Finn. Putting in her ear buds she tripped lightly down the stairs, exiting the house as she flipped through her iPod looking for the perfect song..._ahhh there it is_, she said to herself as she broke into a steady pace.

_Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride_

_Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no_

_I got to keep on movin'_

_Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride_

_I'm running and I won't touch ground_

_Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'_

_You're on the road and now you pray it lasts_

_The road behind was rocky_

_But now you're feeling cocky_

_You look at me and you see your past_

_Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast_

_And she said _

_Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride_

_Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no_

_I got to keep on moving_

_Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride_

_I'm running and I won't touch ground_

_Oh-no, I got to keep on moving_

_Never let another guy like you, work me over_

_Never let another guy like you, drag me under_

_If I meet another guy like you, I will tell him_

_Never want another guy like you, have to say_

_No!_

_Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride_

_Nobody's gonna slow me down_

_Oh-no, oh-no, I got to keep on moving_

_Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride_

_I'm running and I won't touch ground_

_Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'_

Rachel ran for a good twenty minutes, putting the song on repeat, the steady rhythm perfect for her morning workout as she willed the words to work on her weakened resolve .Strangely though, the pounding of her feet on asphalt felt oddly like it was echoing through the empty space where her heart used to be.


	11. Chapter 11 Lean on Me

**A/N So from the rumours I've been hearing this story is pretty much going to be AU after tonights superbowl episode. On the plus side Finn's finally getting a clue though... this chapter is kind of short but it felt like a natural ending.**

**Thanks for all the comments **

**What you've missed on Glee – Finn dumped Rachel so she's gone off to LA to audition for a Disney TV series. She's been shortlisted for a part making Finn realise there's a good chance he could lose her for good. He's trying to hold on but she won't take his calls, that is until Puck steps in to save the day and knock some sense into his friend...**

**Don't own Glee or any of the characters – just using them temporarily**

**Chapter 11 – Lean on Me**

Finn handed the phone back to the nervous looking freshman offering a distracted thanks. The kid looked surprised to actually get it back, stuffing it in his pocket before hurrying off to class.

Puck looked at Finn, eyebrows raised and hands out in silent communication. He just shook his head in reply.

"You blew it."

"Kind of I guess, I don't know. I mean she said she still loves me but she's not coming back."

"And that surprises you how?" Puck smirked. "I mean she's in freaking LA – it's like a million times better than this cow town. So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know – it's not like I can just drop everything and run after her. I mean I've got school and football and my mom would never let me go..."

"Boo-freakin-hoo, What are you, like 5?"

Finn didn't answer, turning on his heel angrily to walk to first period which he was now really late for. Puck wasn't giving up though, dropping into step beside him.

"You know what your problem is?" Puck said jumping in front of Finn to get his full attention. "You think the world owes you something, well guess what, you don't get jack unless you go after it. If you want Berry back then go after her, hell what have you got to lose? And I bet she'll be totally jazzed when you do – chicks dig that whole 'walk a thousand miles to be in your arm's' shit. Especially Rachel, she's a total sucker for a bit of attention and a few sweet words about how hot she is."

"Hey!" Finn said fronting up and pushing him backwards.

"Man if Rachel Berry was into me like she's into you," Puck returned pushing him back, "I'd be halfway to Hollywood by now so get over yourself. I'm doing this to help you. You can punch me out all you want but that ain't going to solve _your_ problem."

Finn looked at him angrily but he knew Puck had a point and at the moment he was offering about the best advice he was going to get. As much as it annoyed him to admit it, Puck knew women, knew their motivations, their crazy logic, and knew how to get into their good books as well as their panties. He probably also knew the answer to the sixty-four thousand dollar question Rachel had thrown at him – why did she go home with Puck that day? As much as he didn't want to go there, he knew Rachel had a point, they weren't going to get anywhere until they understood each other.

"I just don't get it," Finn replied in frustration, "I mean she's the one that cheated on me and now I'm supposed to chase her halfway across the country and try and win her back? How does that work?"

"It's chick logic dude, that's the game and you just gotta know how to play it."

"Well it sucks," Finn stated. "I just wish I knew why she did it."

"See this is why history is important," Puck replied as if he was explaining math to his kid sister. Dragging Finn to the nearest table both boys took a seat on the top as their feet rested on the seat.

"If you're going to get this, we need to go back – way back. So last year you broke up with Rachel to go out with Santana right?"

"Yeah but it was like one date."

"Doesn't matter. The point is, you made the call that Santana was better than Rachel. Chicks remember stuff like that. So then she finds out that you actually slept with Santana and it becomes like you had a whole thing going on and that you think that it's more important being with a hot sexy chick than someone you're really into."

"Doesn't change anything - we weren't even dating when I slept with Santana and that was like ages ago. Rachel was over the whole thing about me going out with her."

"She probably was until she found out you actually slept with her, which you might have been able to smooth over if you hadn't then told Rachel that you still thought Santana was super-hot, which is _so_ not the thing to say to your girlfriend by the way. So now she thinks you're still into Santana and she's wondering if you're fickle ass is gonna dump her again."

"That's stupid - why would I do that? I mean Rachel is super-hot and I totally lover her. I don't even like Santana."

"Have you ever told her that? 'Cos she seems to think you don't think she's sexy – mentioned something about how you hated her Britney Spears makeover..."

"Just because I don't like her _dressing_ sexy doesn't mean I don't _think_ she's sexy. I tell her she looks pretty all the time." Finn replied defensively

"Pretty?" smirked Puck. "That's what I say to my kid sister when she's heading off to temple. It's not what I say to my totally hot girlfriend whose panties I want to get into."

"She knows she totally turns me on – God the first time I kissed her I just about creamed my pants and man making out with her is like torture."

"Yeah totally," Puck mused his mind wandering.

Finn threw him a sideways glance slapping him on the arm. "Hey – you're not helping me here."

"Yeah right. So where were we?"

"You're explaining to me what the hell would make a nice girl like Rachel suddenly decide she wants to hurt me enough to make out with a douche like you," Finn replied flatly.

"Ok, so that would be you totally eye-fucking Santana in the hallway at school – Rachel saw the whole thing then practically dragged me out of there by my ear she was so pissed."

"What? I was not 'eye-fucking' her," Finn protested.

"You totally were," Puck smirked, "I saw it – I'm surprised you don't have her boobs and arse imprinted in your brain you were staring so long."

"Yeah well looking isn't doing –she actually went through with it," Finn grumbled.

"Look dude, if it had been anyone else she would have just hauled you out and put your balls on a plate for you and that would have been the end of it. But it's Santana."

"That shouldn't matter."

"So it wouldn't have made any difference to you if Rachel had just chosen to make out with some random dude and not me?"

Finn frowned, looking at his feet. He had a point.

Puck sighed, "In case you hadn't noticed Rachel is kind of Santana's favourite scratch pole and all those times you sat by and let S sharpen her claws on her just kind of reinforces that you have a soft spot for her. So for you to let Santana be the one to tell Rachel you did the nasty, in front of everyone and not say anything, just kind of nailed it. She was humiliated."

"Damn..." Finn said thoughtfully remembering what it had been like to find out Quinn had betrayed him in front of everyone. He hadn't said anything when Santana opened her big mouth because he didn't want to get into a fight with Rachel in front of everyone. Looking at it from her perspective it was pretty lame on his part.

"And that day Santana made sure Rachel saw you checking her out and then went up to rub it in – told her you'd bought her dinner after you had sex with her. Rachel was even more pissed because you never take her out for a meal."

"I only brought her a drive through burger before I dropped her home..."

"Yeah well whatever, could have been a four course meal for all Rachel knew."

Finn was silent for a long time, mulling things over in his head. "How do you know all this anyway?" he eventually asked noticing Puck getting fidgety beside him.

"Because we made out for like two minutes and then Rachel earbashed me for the next two hours – I mean your girlfriend's hot and all but it was _so_ not worth it..."

In spite of everything Finn actually smiled at this punching his friend lightly on the shoulder. Puck was a total douche sometimes but he couldn't completely blame him for what had gone down, especially with what Puck had told him. Hell at least Puck had heard Rachel out, he hadn't even listened.

"So we're cool?" Puck asked raising a brow casually. Finn looked at him for a minute, as laid back as he seemed he knew this was important to him. Finn raised his fist in answer with a half smile, Puck's own fist meeting him in the middle as they bumped.

"Here take this," Puck said pulling a wad of cash out of his wallet. "It's enough to get you to LA at least."

Finn looked at him in shock. "I'm not even gonna ask how or why you're carrying that much money around."

"Boy scout rule – always be prepared," he replied with a wink. "And this is totally not guilt money – with or without me you would have messed it up anyway. This is just me helping out a bro'"

"You really like Rachel don't you?" Finn asked looking at him sideways.

"For a straight A student she's pretty badass. I mean she's not afraid to go after what she wants or tell it like it is and that's cool. You're going to have to man up if you're going to keep up with that."

Finn only nodded in reply, a plan already formulating in his mind as he pocketed the cash.


End file.
